You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize