I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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