there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
