Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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