The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
