yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
