a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
