it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
