mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
