Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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