you guys were way drunker than both of me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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