My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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