ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
