I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
