We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize