this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
