Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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