I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did i walk over a car last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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