i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
