I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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