Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
