I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
