How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You pole danced in your parka.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize