My nipple is on Facebook.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
