Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
