After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize