what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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