My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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