the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
