the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
