it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
