cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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