Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
