when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
