The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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