I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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