your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
