Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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