Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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