I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
