honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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