The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
