and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
