you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
