Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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