Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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