I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i dont even know how to be here
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
