I'm really into asian looking animals
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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