my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
