On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
