I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize