it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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