I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
