Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
