i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
