I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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