I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
