Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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