There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
