Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
