The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
