Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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