how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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