i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
