I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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