the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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