Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
