oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
