don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
