i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
