the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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