girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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