Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
