don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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