i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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